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In February of 2020 I reached out to a friend from church. I basically sent her a text at 10pm (an S.O.S hour for me because I am in bed at 8:30pm EVERY night. No exceptions) that basically said I would like to start going to therapy but I don't know where to start. Within minutes she sent me links and numbers and told me "happy healing." She didn't over spiritualize it or ask me why. She just gave me the resources and told me to heal. I cant imagine how many breakdowns I would have had in the months to come if she didn't point me in the right direction because it forced me to follow through and I was no longer able to have an excuse. The footwork had already been done. Thank God for her "footwork." It was the metaphorical "cha-cha slide" that I needed.
Six weeks later I, along with the rest of the world, found myself in a pandemic or PANORAMA as Black Twitter calls it. I was forced into a box with my triggers, hang ups, and toxic relationships fueled by my inability to stand up for myself. Surprisingly, I also found myself in a place of gratitude and gratefulness because I had already started the process not only for me but my future family as well. My future children's, children will reap the benefit of my unlearning. The timing was all the big man upstairs if you ask me. I cant express enough how important therapy was, is and will always be. I would love to sit here and say the cool statement "normalize therapy" but truthfully, IT HAS BEEN NORMALIZED! I was just late to the party. So, I decided to write this blog for anyone out there who has toyed with the idea of going to therapy. Stop toying. This is for you.
I am over the moon excited about the strides I've made but honestly, I don't think anyone talks about how the first couple of sessions are just you and a stranger talking about NOTHING. You basically go in there and omit MAAAD information because you don't want them to think you're crazy or weak! Hellooo EGO lol. My real break throughs came when I focused less on other people and more on my emotions. My feelings. My behaviors. Therapy is the one place where things can be about you and it wont be considered selfish. It's actually one of the most SELFLESS things we can do. So, please don't give up after the first few sessions, commit and be honest. Your therapist is getting to know you too. After a while they will become one of your favorite faces to see!
Pick a day that allows you to be emotionally available. For me, going on a weekday felt like a task. After working all day the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how my parents not buying me McDonalds was in direct relation to me over giving to the undeserving. That was too much thinking for Chas to be frank. So, I chose Saturday at 11AM. On Saturday's I sleep in (7AM LOL), I don't have to worry about work and I don't talk to anyone until late in the afternoon. During that time, I get to speak openly and I've noticed that it changes the course of my day. Instead of going to an overpriced brunch, I usually opt to read, watch a sermon or just enjoy my "me" time. Pick a good day for you. Make your process effective.
Don't get too caught up trying to find someone that looks like you. Find someone that can HELP you! I did not care what my therapists looked like. I cared about what my therapist could help me overcome. So far, so good. Your preference should be based on skill because your mental health is nothing to play with. If you want someone that relates to you so much to the point that they just agree with you, don't even waste your money. Just keep talking to some well meaning friends about your issues.
Please don't worry about the money. If the Holy Spirit led you to seek help, the money will come and the resources will as well. I spend a good amount on therapy. Money I didn't think I had to keep it real. For some reason I don't feel a dent in my pocket AT ALL. What I do feel is freedom from letting things go and happiness from being able to point to an emotion and say.. "hmmm that's wack, lets fix it." We all spend our money on something silly. Omit the silly thing and invest in your health.
Lastly, be consistent. Don't cancel your appointments and don't let months go by before you see your therapist. Therapy is a tool. Use the tools in the box. Don't wait until you feel like you NEED your therapist to talk to your therapist. That's why you were there in the first place. It was a need. Make the process preventative. I once had a session where ALL I talked about were the good things. It wasn't a waste of time or money! I didn't unpack a doggone thing but I did pack a bag full of progress and we celebrated those wins! Keep in mind that the more you go, the more you grow and the better relationship you will have with someone who wants to see you be and do better.
I keep seeing this shirt advertised on Instagram and it says Jesus and therapy and I couldn't agree more. Prayer and therapy together have helped me be way more vocal about my boundaries. I still have some boundary issues lingering though so if I say "NO" to you, Clap for me because it took me 34 years to say that! lol
Soooo, If you have been thinking about it.. Do it! If you have gone and stopped.. Go back! If you started going and have been consistent.. Good for you! Proud of you. Proud of us!!
In the words of my Sister in Christ. Happy Healing.
Also..I love you. Even if I don't know you, I love you. If you need some suggestions on where to start DM a sista. I'll do your footwork. I do a mean cha-cha slide, now.