No tags yet.
So, I was recently involved in a conversation that rubbed me wrong but because I am actively working on freeing myself from the spirit of offense, I fought tooth and nail to rub myself right. I hope that made sense. LOL! Being offended is so easy. The real challenge is hearing something that you would consider "wild" and deciding to give the mouth attached to the silliness, grace. Yes, grace. The same grace that we would want if and when we say or do something that could be considered offensive. Right? Do we all agree there? Good. So here it is...
I was on the phone with an acquaintance recently. He's a black, fairly attractive male in his late 30's (this is important, trust me). He began to tell me about an experience he had with a young black female regarding her choice to wear weaves and wigs. From his standpoint, the use of weaves and wigs were "false advertising" and he went on to say that he had seen her real hair and couldn't understand why she wore extensions because she had "good hair". He brought this issue up to the female and she decided to cuss the skin off his bones and ghost him. He couldn't understand why she got upset or what he said that was so offensive. On top of that he started to complain about the dating world and lack options. He then wrapped the whole rant up with this statement: Most women in their 30's are starting to lose their looks so they should just be happy a man like me is interested...
I was so shocked. All I could do was look at my phone and squint. Yep! I got mad at my phone for having the audacity to have stellar reception. How dare Sprint decide not to drop this call? T-mobile and Sprint held hands for the first time since the merger and gave me all the bars just so I could hear this man offend black hair and women in their 30's. Right before my nose started to bleed, I softly whispered.. Are you serious or is this a joke? He was like "what?" and I was like "what? " after we both exchanged "what's?" for 5 minutes I decided to calmly direct him back to sanity with some helpful tips on things he should not say. I reminded him that all black hair is beautiful. So, implying that there is good and bad hair can be hurtful especially in this sensitive time we are living in. I reminded him that women don't care what his preference is. We wear what we want and the idea that he thought he had a say so in the matter is counterproductive to the equality we desire. Lastly, I reminded him that 30 is not the end of beauty for women.. toxic men and less pay ARE! So, if he's seeing a decline in the looks department for women over 30, he should look inward or take that up with HR! lol! Okay.. Okay, I didn't say that last part but maaaaan the petty part of me wanted to!
The truth is, he had NO idea that his thought process was offensive but above being offensive it was giving me stone age vibes. From his perspective he was merely trying to tell the girl that her natural hair was pretty. All of the egotistical banter that came afterward was a trauma response to being ghosted. He offended her. She offended him and like a domino effect the repeating of the story offended me! I realize that people say crazy things when they are embarrassed so instead of snapping on him, I chose to give him some insight and he appreciated it. I learned a lesson that day. You can either respond from a super offended space or you can be proactive despite being slightly offended. The next level of maturity is to not be offended AT ALL! My hope is that homeboy will never utter the words "good hair" in reference to hair texture ever again. I also hope that he doesn't date any woman in their 30's because supposedly we look like Smegal. BOYYYYY SHET DA....