THE MONSTERS I MADE

Confession: Throughout the majority of my 20’s I was crippled with severe anxiety. I was definitely one of those people that assumed the worst could and would happen. One of the truest statements ever is that the power of the mind is no joke. I can certainly say that my mind made room for new fears every 4-6 weeks. I look at the things that paralyzed me a decade a go and it’s ridiculous and almost laughable to me now. I was the queen of picking up fears for sport. I would throw myself into a panic attack and then run to the ER because I swore I needed to be treated RIGHT NOW, even if it was a simple stomach ache. I’ll never forget the time that I flew to London (mind you this was FAR from being my first time on an airplane) and 6 hours in- I had a complete meltdown. I had randomly picked up a fear of flying and I could not explain why. The plane ride back consisted of me tapping my fingers in even pairs to ensure that the plane would land safely. Even things like the volume on the TV or radio being on an odd number would drive me crazy and my level of discomfort would heighten until I could change it to an even number. Oh and this one is not to be forgotten: At some point, I had a small fear of sushi because I read an article about a man eating raw sushi that infected his body with thousands of tiny worms . I think I itched for a whole week straight convincing myself that the same thing was happening to me. Although I had all these unrealistic fears, it never once crossed my mind that “there’s a pill for that”. People would suggest it, even my friends would not- so-subtly tell me that I should get a prescription but something always held me back. I realize now that it was nothing but FAITH! I never once felt like these feelings would haunt me forever. I knew somehow I would be able to enjoy my life the the fullest and although back then I had faith I definitely lacked the know how to truly ask God for his help.

I see so many people that are prescribed anti depressants or anxiety pills and it really makes me think. Have you asked God for healing yet? First I have to say this. I, for certain don’t want to come across as a Bible thumping, Judgy McJudgerson but my testimony in a nutshell is pretty simple.. I wanted to be less. Less everything actually. Less manic, less scared, less combative. Just less in general.

The real truth was that I needed to feel more. I needed to feel more of God’s presence. The same part of my brain that told me to fear everything is the same part of my brain that thanked God in advance for healing me of my anxiety. I cant even remember when the weight was lifted but I do remember thinking "man its been a long time since i've had a good old fashion panic attack". What was even more astonishing is that I didn't have a panic attack after I realized that I hadn't had one! LOL! My hope is that my short testimony will cause someone who struggles with the same thing to think about the power of prayer. Sometimes we have to let the Devil know that he can’t make a home in our mind and send him to where he belongs.. Right under our feet with the same quickness that we send men that don't stand a chance to the friend zone. Fellas edit the last sentence to apply to you!!