Celebrate/Celibate

On February 24th of this year I went to Wholefoods, purchased a vegan cupcake and blew out an imaginary candle in celebration of one whole year of celibacy. It was the single most -single-est -single-girl thing I’ve ever done in life and I loved EVERY. little. Moment of it. You see, when I lived in Atlanta I wouldn't consider myself as the loosest goose in the pond but I certainly wasn't the type to go to sleep with my phone on silent. I was like Waffle House. If the guy that I liked at the moment decided that he wanted my patty melt with hash browns at 3am (scattered, covered, smothered) the door was open.. even on Christmas. I was the type of girl that fell hard and "like" could quickly turn into "love" if the "good morning, beautiful" texts were consistent enough. Are ya'll judging yet?? lol... yeah, me too!

If somebody would have told me years ago that I would be successful in the celibacy quest, I would have cocked my head to the side and asked a multitude of questions like.. “so what are me and *random ex's name* supposed to do during commercial break?” or “How are we supposed to solidify that the argument is over?” or my personal favorite “So when we run out of words and there’s an awkward silence, what do we do next?" I look back at how utterly ridiculous it was to be dating or "talking" to someone and freely having sex with them because the world labeled it as the next step. I don't know why I chose to shift my mentality but I think my move to LA played a major role in me valuing my entire body and self worth more. I really feel like Atlanta is where bodice dresses go to die. I've witnessed women (myself included) losing themselves in the pursuit of a fence..Any type of fence.. I mean.. the fence doesn't even have to be picket nor white. A barbed wire fence seemed like a better option than having no fence at all out there. I'm sure many people will disagree but for me, Atlanta was not a place where I would have even consider being celibate.

By all means this blog is not to bash the city that raised me or to convince anyone to become celibate but I have found throughout this year that the biggest form of intimacy ever is talking to someone and getting to know them without introducing anything sexual into the mix!! crazy right? It's so funny because I hear women say things like "I made him wait 3 months before we had sex" as if they should win some type of award. Just think about it.. When you start a new job, aren't you on time and well-dressed every day for the first 90 days?? Aren't you on your best behavior?? don't you type those error-free reports lighting fast? don't you bring coffee to your boss and laugh at his corny jokes while pretending to care about his 30 year anniversary?? okay then.. so why do some women believe that making someone wait 90 days before you give him your entire body should be something we clap for? I mean..anything is a cause for celebration these days.. Did I mention that I bought myself a cupcake for not having sex for one year! lol! I definitely don't have all the answers but I do know that removing sex from the equation allowed me to see things more clearly and vibrate at a higher frequency. My healing process is MUCH quicker now. If I don't see a potential relationship going somewhere I am quick to say byeee.. and some of the men will even get rid of themselves!! Try it.. tell an immature man that your'e celibate and watch them run faster than Micheal Phelps swims a lap. It just makes things easier.

I'm not saying that celibacy is simple. It can be difficult there because there is temptation. It's not for the weak at heart but I've enjoyed it. The idea of having a relationship based on quality and not making excuses for terrible behavior gives me a sense of peace that only celibacy could provide. I love it. I'm thankful for this subtle but impactful change.

For those who are considering a celibate lifestyle, my only advice is to get a great circle of friends that that keep your mind off of the fact that you are not having sex. Friends that talk about goals and real things.. basically friends that don't talk through memes and emoji's. Those are the ones that will get you through your first year..*slowly claps for Keisha and Tara*. Those are the ones that will champion you and help you remove the "ex" out of sex because they want you to "get and KEEP Yo (no typo) husband".

And to those who are already celibate and have been for a while (even while being in relationships) Thank you for showing a reformed "hot mess" that we can not only walk up to temptation but we can also walk away from it.

Cheers to one year, four months, 3 days, 2 hours and 45 seconds of Celibacy! ayyyyyyyyyeee!