The Session.THAT SESSION.

It's 2018. Long gone are the days of the general public thinking that the music business (or any creative business for that matter) is a conglomerate of Diddy clicking two bottles together, money dropping from the ceiling and a pair of oversized scissors to cut oversized ribbons. Some of the weirdest things happen in sessions, on set, in the A &R's office, at album release parties and many other places where creatives come together to prove that they weren't complete losers in high school (not me though, I was awesome LOL). I look back now and realize that nothing was normal ten, five or even two years ago. I look at old invoices and I'm like...My God, I was ballin!!! Not only was the money unreal but the experiences were unforgettable. I've worked with some amazing people that were good from the inside-out but I've also come across my fair share of over-the-top personalities and underwhelming tracks.

My most bizarre experience in a session happened in the summer of 2006. My manager (Lo, who is also my sister) received a call that I had been summoned to fly out and work with a producer whom I've always admired. When she told me who I was going to work with, I peed.. I was that excited. I mean..He was a major contributor to my love for music. He was a visionary, a creator of the sound to one of the best vocalist on the planet and I couldn't believe that he wanted to work with little ol' me. I was told that I would be staying at his home with him and the rest of his family so that we could do as many records as possible in the three days that I would be there. Cool right??? WRONG!!The first day that I arrived I was taken to the left wing of his house which was absolutely beautiful. I settled in and was told that the session would begin at noon. At noon, my bundle of nerves and I walked down to the studio and prepared to meet my idol. When I got there he was nowhere to be found but a sweet engineer was sitting at the board waiting with the same twinkle in his eye as I had. We introduced ourselves and he told me that this was his first time working with the producer and that he was so excited! An hour later the producer arrived. He came in, introduced himself and started telling me that he had just worked with a writer that wrote 5 songs in 20 minutes. I thought, wow.. 5 songs in 20 minutes, how did they do that? He began to play them for me and I quickly realized how they did it. Every single song sounded like the Mentos theme song with a ying-yang twins style ad lib randomly thrown in there for "spice". I nodded my head and started searching for the hidden cameras because I was convinced that Ashton, nick canon and the whole cast of Saturday Night Live was going to pop up and scream "SURPRISE...This is a joke". I waited..and I waited but quickly realized that no confetti nor balloons would arrive to pull me out of the ear-nightmare that he was labeling as the next hit for the Pussycat Dolls.

He then told the engineer to play some tracks that he had done months ago. Right then and there, Protools (software for recording) decided to crash and the producer threw a complete hissy fit. He started to yell at the engineer and asked him if he actually knew what he was doing. I started to sweat. I had seen producers yell at engineers before (which is so crazy) but this was on a whole new level. He yelled so many profanities at that young man that I wanted to peel my face off and throw it out of the window just to flee from being a witness.

When the engineer finally got the program to work the tensions were high and I was even more nervous than before. He played the tracks and THEY. WERE. AWFUL! One of them was three minutes of random animal sounds. I was like "is that an elephant?". I knew he was great. He had the accolades to prove it but he was doing what most high profile producers did and still sometimes do.. He was hazing me. I looked down at my phone and noticed my mentor had texted me to call him. I stepped out of the session and made the call. Before I could even say hello he yelled " What the F are you doing there?" Who told you that you could go out there by yourself? Don't you know he's crazy?" I thought.. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. You see, my mentor was equally as successful but his brain was a little loose as well so the entire conversation gradually threw me into a baby panic attack. I hung up the phone and mentally locked my doors. When I got back in the session the producer was still yelling at the engineer. He briefly stopped to look at me and ask me if I had any lyrics to the track yet...I was confused. I had JUST walked back in..How could he really think that I had lyrics or even any ideas in such a hostile environment?

I then told him that I would like to go into the booth and record some melodies. I started recording and 30 seconds in, he started humming to me an idea (which would be fine) if it wasn't the melody to a song that he had done years ago. I complied and ended up referencing what he wanted me sing. When I came out of the booth he praised me for what I did and was sitting there gobbling up delicious plate of food. He told me that I could order myself some food but that it may be too late in the day for anyone to come out there to deliver it. ARE YOU SERIOUS?? I was shook!

We finished the song (which was mediocre at best) and I went back to my room starving and dehydrated. The room that once looked better than a five star hotel quickly turned into a setting fit for the series "Naked and Afraid." I went into survival mode. I grabbed a pack of peanuts that was given to me on the plane and ate them. Then I went into the bathroom and used my hands as a cup to drink water from the faucet... Like a crackhead...Yeah..ewwww!! I couldn't believe the lack of hospitality or the fact that I was going to be there for two more days...but look at the God we serve.. When I woke up the next day I was sick as a dog. I guess it's not a good idea to drink from the bathroom faucet! I could barely speak which means I could barely sing..Hallelujah!! I gracefully told him that I would be leaving that day because I was sick but not before I told the sweet engineer to email me those tracks. I needed evidence that he actually put elephant noises in a track, duh!

Although that session was terrible, it taught me the beauty of being in tune with my inner self. It's totally okay to remove yourself from situations that are not beneficial to your craft and/ or purpose. Who cares what people think? People don't have a heaven or a hell to send you to. Those gold plated Grammies pale in comparison to the streets of gold we'll get to walk on when we make it Heaven. So yeah, i'm grateful for that experience and all my crazy music industry experiences to be honest. They make for a good blog and a wiser Chas.

So creative folks, Whats your craziest industry experience?